Fighting Feelings
by stealmyylove
Summary: Jake/Clare/Eli songfic - warning: abuse. Jake and Clare are fighting their feelings so Jake pushes Clare towards Eli who is still dealing with his bipolar disorder. What happens when Jake realizes Eli is hurting Clare? / SORRY! I LOVE ELI!


**Title: **Fighing Feelings

**Fandom:** Degrassi ; songfic.

**Pairing: **Cake - Clare Edwards and Jake Martin with some Eclare - Clare Edwards and Eli Goldsworthy.

**Status: **Complete.

**Rating:** Mature for swearing and abuse.

**Notes: **I'd like to say that before you read this, I love Eli Goldsworthy, okay? It had to happen for this fic and I hope I don't piss anybody off. Good thing this is only fanfiction, right? Right. Okay. With that said, I heard this song and this came to mind soooooo, yeah. Now I'm just rambling. Anyway, the lyrics are italic. The title of the song is Sleepless Nights by Faber Drive. I do not own the song or any of these characters, yadadaddada. Hope you enjoy!

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><p><em>Another sleepless night and,<br>still staring at the ceiling.  
>I can hear him fighting,<br>with her for no good reason._

It had been five months since their parents got married. It had been four months since he had pushed Clare back towards Eli, but nights like these, he wonders why he'd done that. He laid back on his bed, his arms under his head as he stared out of the window, listening to the words coming from the room over. Most of the words were muffled, most of them he couldn't make out. What he could hear were the words of begging, pleading for Eli to just listen. Sometimes, he wondered why they fought so much. Why they stayed together. He wouldn't know, Clare never talked to him anymore, she barely talked to anybody. Helen was always concerned and his dad was always taking him to the side, asking him to keep an eye on Clare.

And he did.

He tried.

It was hard watching the girl you were still in love with, though.

_Will this ever end?  
>Will this house be a home again?<br>If I had my way,  
>I'd corner him and say...<br>Put yourself in her position.  
>All she needs is recognition.<br>Love's not enough when you say it.  
>Don't you know you gotta mean it?<br>Screwing up the best thing ever,  
>is something you'll regret forever<em>

She ran past him in the hall, hugging her books to her chest as tears fell down her cheeks. Eli slammed his locker shut and he recalled the day he'd told her to be with Eli again. He'd seemed like he had a cool head on his shoulder these days and they weren't getting back together. He thought maybe it'd help them both if one of them were in a steady relationship, that they wouldn't want eachother.

But he'd always want her. She had told him, that time she pressed him against his door and kissed him... despite it all, them saying no. The things that had happened at prom. They couldn't deny one another. So he had thought one of them moving on would help. She wasn't a cheater. Clare Edwards wouldn't cheat. It made sense, right? And Eli seemed to really care, Jake thought he could trust her ex with her. He'd been stupid. Desperate.

He hated seeing her with anybody but him. But for their parents, they had to, right?

Jake sighed and walked over. "What's going on, man?" He asked, his voice low. He was sick of Clare crying. He was sick of it all.

"None of your business, Jake." Eli turned to walk away and Jake grabbed his arm, stopping him as he lowered his voice. "You keep hurting her. Whatever is going on, you're screwing up again. If I were you, I wouldn't make the same mistake twice, Eli Goldsworthy, because she won't go back to you if you keep stepping all over her heart."

"Like you did?" Jake dropped his hand and brushed past Eli. "I didn't have a choice, Eli, you do. Don't fuck it up." He said as he walked off, getting out of there before he could do any damage to the other boy.

_Another day goes by and,  
>nothings changed she's still the same.<br>I can hear her crying,  
>thinking shes the one to blame.<em>

Two weeks pass by and nothing changes. He wonders why Clare deals with it. He wonders why he never gets up and knocks on the door. But when he hears her scream at him to get out, he sits up and listens to footsteps. None come. And then he hears her cry again. "I mean it, Eli! I'm done!" Everything goes silent for a few minutes and he listens as the sun shines through his room. He listens as Eli smooths things over, apologizing for whatever it is this time. And then footsteps, heavy and gone. The front door opens, closes and he's gone. Things are fine, right? So he's confused when he hears Clare sob. It breaks his heart instantly. Jake gets off of his bed and walks over to the side of the wall, putting his hand against it as he leans his forehead against the wall. "Clare?" He says it quietly, or so he thinks, but she stops moving in the room next to him. Paper thin walls.

"Leave me alone, Jake." he can see her without even seeing her. He knows that her eyes are red and that her cheeks are red, too. He knows that her hair is a mess because she runs her fingers through it. He knows that she's staring at the wall.

"I can't." He says it a little louder this time and he hears a thump. "You have to, Jake. We had an agreement."

"I can't do this anymore." He swallows the lump in his throat and closes his eyes. Little does he know, she's on the other side of the wall, hand and forehead just like him. "Why do you fight so much?"

"It's my fault." She says after a few minutes.

He's confused and in a moment of weakness, he thinks about how he could make sure she doesn't have to cry anymore. "I miss you."

It's a breathe, barely words, but she hears him and lets out a quiet cry. "Me, too."

When dinner comes around, they don't talk. They don't look at one another. Glen notices, Helen pretends they're a happy family. Clare and Jake wonder if their parents appreciate their selfless act, because it's costing their happiness.

_Will this ever end?  
>Will this house be a home again?<br>If I had my way,  
>I'd corner him and say...<br>Put yourself in her position.  
>All she needs is recognition.<br>Love's not enough when you say it.  
>Don't you know you gotta mean it?<br>Screwing up the best thing ever, is something you'll regret forever.  
>Take her and make sure she feels it.<br>Let her know you'll never let her go._

He comes in late, he doesn't know where his dad and Helen are. But then he sees a note telling them that they went to a play about three hours out and they'll probably stay the night. There's food in the fridge and money in case they (Jake) get hungry again. He lays the letter down, wondering where Clare is. It doesn't take long to get his answer, though, as he hears a crash and they're on the steps arguing. Neither of them even see Jake.

"I can't believe you, Clare." Eli's not even walking down the steps, Clare's at the top. "I don't get why won't you just open up to me again?" She laughs, it's not Clare though, it's all bitter and sour. It leaves a horrible taste in Jake's mouth. "Because," she says. And Eli climbs back up the stairs. "Talk to me?" And she starts crying. "Everytime I open up, you laugh, you make me feel horrible!" He doesn't hear anything for a moment or two and he figures he should go slam the door to pretend he just got in, but then he hears. "I don't mean to. I'm just so jealous." And Clare sniffles. "Jealous of what?" She sounds as confused as he feels and Jake knows he should walk away but he doesn't. "Jealous of HIM, Clare. I'm. Jealous of him."

Clare scoffs and he hears footsteps and Jake quickly ducks under the dining room table as he watches their feet. "Why? I'm with you. I love you, Eli."

"No you don't." Eli's voice is childish and Jake rolls his eyes. "And you know what? I don't love you. If Julia were here, I'd be with her." Eli says coldly and Jake gets the impression he says it just to hurt Clare. "I'm with you!" She cries out and Eli's voice shakes. "Only because you can't have him."

"I can be with him! We just choose not to. I love you, Eli."

Everything is silent and something twists uneasily in Jake's stomach when he hears Clare cry out in pain and Jake freezes, feeling sick.

"You PROMISED, Eli."

"Promises are made to be broken, Clare." And that's when Jake moves from under the table and walks towards Eli who looks shocked and pushes him against the wall, his elbow right under Eli's throat.

"Jake!" Clare moves, tugging at his arm and he looks over at her, seeing the bruise already forming and he feels the anger building up so quickly that he doesn't know what to do with himself. He looks away from her and turns back to Eli who is smirking at him. "How many bruises have you been covering up? How long?"

"Go on," Eli chokes out and Jake presses his elbow more against Eli's throat, making Eli cough. "Tell him."

A moment passes but Clare finally lets out a sigh. "Two months and too many to count. He's sick thou-"

"No, Clare. No. I don't _care_ if he's sick. Bipolar isn't a free pass to hit a woman. Now please go upstairs and wait for me there." When she doesn't move, he looks over at her and softens for a moment. "**Please**." When she moves, finally, she's nodding and running from them, out of the room and up the stairs.

Eli laughs and Jake resists the urge to kick his ass, but he grabs him by the shirt and leads him towards the door before pushing him out. "If you come near her again? I'll kill you. And there will be a restraining order put in place. Move on and get the fuck out of here, Eli. Go." He slams the door before Eli can say another word and Jake looks down at his hands. They're shaking. He did this to Clare. He pushed her back to Eli. She was in pain and it was his fault. He managed to fuck up the best thing he ever had and ended up making it worse by thinking Eli wouldn't hurt her.

Soft footsteps come towards him and he looks up at her, his heart breaking over and over. She puts her hands on his and he opens his mouth but she pushes him back against the door, leaning up on her toes and kisses him until his head is swimming and everything makes sense. She's the one hurt, but she's the one comforting him. Clare kisses his lips, his hands, his cheeks, the tip of his nose and all the while mumbling that it's okay. That she's okay. That they're okay. He doesn't understand it, he just knows that he loves her and he can't fight it anymore. He hasn't been able to keep up with it for a while now and when she leads him towards the couch, he follows her without a word.

Jake sits down and takes her into his arms, pulling her into his lap and he holds her. He's never felt this way about anybody. He's never felt this need to just hold someone to know they're okay, that it's real and to know that she won't disappear from him. "I'm sorry," He finally says and he shakes his head. "I... I screwed up. I put you in... I'm so sorry, Clare."

But she says _shhhh_ and smoothes his hair back. He cups her cheeks, gently because she's bruised and he hates it. "I love you." Jake doesn't know if those three words cover it anymore and Clare smiles, laying her forehead against his.

"Can we stop fighting this now? I want you, Jake, okay? If our parents can't accept it, we're of age. All I need is for you to be in this with me. Please say you still want me, too."

He nods and kisses her softly, it's gentle and passionate. It's months of frustration and longing, it's wounds closing and hearts healing.

When they pull apart, they're both without air but he looks at her and nods again. "I always want you. I'm there in it with you, okay? I'm not doing this anymore, ignoring my feelings." She smiles and Jake knows then that everything is going to be okay, no matter what.

_Take her and make sure she feels it  
>Let her know you'll never let her go<em>

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><p><strong>Notes: <strong>Okay, so wooo, hope you liked it! Glad I finally finished that. baaai. x3


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